They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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