so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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