this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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