Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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