Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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