Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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