i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
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