The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
