Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
