Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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