The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
