no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
