that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
