We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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