Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
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