Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
