I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize