Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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