wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
