its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
