remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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