Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize