whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Your cock deserves a montage
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
