I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
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He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
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Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
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