All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
