If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
