what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
