my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
