we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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