Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
