roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
