I wish I only lived at night.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
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I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
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I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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