hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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