Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize