Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
