he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
