Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
