you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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