You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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