So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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