when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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