He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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