why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
