He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
