Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
