He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Randomize
