is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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