I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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