Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
