i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize