I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
