I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
