This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
