Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
