Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
