hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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