My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
