bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
