i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
