but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Randomize
